Still Reluctant, Still Here.

"Mom, you gotta start looking at things like a baseball game.  Focus on what happens next, not on what just went down, cuz you can't change that."  Nate Ball, my son.

I last published this blog almost 5 years ago.  Why has it been so long?  Let me just say the shit hit the fan.  I have been through 2 surgeries, 3 broken bones, 3 schools and that's just with my son.  My daughter switched sports after some super fun Cheer experiences.  Lets just say, the drama is real.  She now plays softball, and the drama is still real.

I was so overwhelmed 5 years ago,  I quit life.  I gave up on people.  I gave up on myself and I became really angry.  I saw my kids go trough some really painful situations and I did not know what to do.  I felt very alone.  I gained a lot of weight.  I came very close to losing my marriage and my Faith.  I thought the answer was for my kids to stop the sports, I even begged them to quit.  As a mom, that's probably the worst thing I have ever done.

But you know what?  They did not quit. They refused.  Even when coaches, teammates, other parents and even me, their own mother told them to.  I couldn't understand it.  I promised trips, cars, money, whatever they wanted.  But they would not quit.  Coaches told them they would never be successful.  Flat out bullied them.  But they loved their sports and they wanted to keep playing, no matter what.  I felt like they were gluttons for punishment,  I just couldn't understand why they would not quit.

I went to games, begrudgingly, I talked to no one.  I was miserable.  But then I did the smartest thing, as a mom,  I have ever done.  I let it all go.  I decided to let my kids do what they wanted and just support them.  I started to ignore the ugly comments, the let downs, the failures, the idiot and sometimes bizarre coaches, crazy, jealous, gossipy parents (more to come in future blogs about all that).  I found a peace in trusting my kids and their decisions.  I even realized they knew more that me  about how to handle these sports and just maybe I taught them to be this independent.  I needed to shut up.

I realized if they don't want to quit then neither do I.  I started losing weight, 30lbs so far and 50 to go.   Hopefully you will follow me on this journey.  I also started going to therapy.  One of the very best things I started to do was pray.  I started to replace my fear and failure with my Faith.  I separated my experiences from my kids, they are totally different.  I then started focusing on what happens next.  I remembered this morning that I love to write.  I love to express myself with words, it makes me happy.  So here I am.

The reluctant mom is still reluctant.  But I'm also still here, just like my kids and these dang sports. I'll share with you what I've learned and what I'm still learning.  Hopefully you'll laugh, roll your eyes and maybe shed a tear.   Just try not to rip on me too hard for my errors, grammatical or otherwise.  They are many and as I have come to realize, they have made me who I am.

Sore Winner

In 12 and under baseball there are things you can’t do.  One of them is running over the catcher or any player for that matter, in order to get to base, you have to slide.  If you don’t slide you will be kicked out of the game, and your team will take an out at each at bat.

I have seen this happen 5 times this season.  The kids that get thrown out can’t believe it.  The parents and coaches are angry.  Well get ready people because this is how it is in High School, it’s a safety issue and in case anyone hasn’t noticed, it’s a bunch of kids, let try and keep them safe.

This weekend we are playing another team from our town, during a tournament.  The kids all know each other and seem to get along. Apparently the parents and coaches do not like each other.  We are new to this so I’m just generally confused.  One of the other teams kids is running for home.  Our catcher has the ball, ready to tag him out.  The runner lowers his shoulder and plows down our catcher.  Not only does the ump call him out, he’s out of the game. 

It didn’t matter they beat us, but this is of no consolation.  The scorekeeper form the other team came over to finalize the score and was really pissed, he says he hates to come to our side, blah blah blah.  Our parents are pretty laid back, so they start laughing.  No one can believe he’s so mad, it wasn’t his kid that got thrown out and as I mentioned before, they won, HELLO, Mcfly.

He stormed off and continued to give us the stink eye; we continued to laugh our selves silly.  If you want to get that upset over 12-year-old baseball, be my guest.  My blood pressure is more important that that, and I am no spring chicken.  All I get from giving someone the stink eye is extra wrinkles.   And tell your kids to freaking slide, we are not in the MLB.  Not to mention it’s the rules, sink eye or not, and I didn’t make them.  The only thing I made is the kid and I would like him in one piece when all this nonsense is over.

A Moment of Thanks

     Thank you LA Lakers.  You have given me the best mother days gift ever.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Your implosion on the court in Dallas, against my beloved Mavericks was a pleasure to watch.

     Thank you Kobe, for giving me the opportunity to talk to my kids about how bad it looks for great talent to bitch and complain like a baby.  Thank you Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum for being complete losers and getting ejected from the game.  My 9 year old has better control of her behavior.  I mean I just can’t ask for better examples of soar losers.  Especially Bynum, beating up on little JJ Barea, did your mom teach you that move?  But again, thanks, it opened up a discussion on bullying.

     And thank you Mark Cuban for keeping it kinda classy.  But let me not forget my Mavericks.  Peja Stojakovic and Jason Terry who could not miss a three pointer if they tried.  And Jason Terry for being so sweet and thanking God for his momma, gotta love it.  Let me just say, "I love you Dirk Nowitzki".

     So go home you spoiled, entitled Lakers, lick your wounds, make excuses, and cry.   And kids remember, with great talent comes great responsibility.  Have a good attitude, no matter what.  I don’t care how good anyone thinks they are, everyone loses.   So if you get beat, trounced or hammered, do it with dignity, just like your momma taught you.

Really

This is a word I use quite a bit.  The league schedules two 7:30 p.m. games in a row on school nights, really?  My son cried the other day when he got picked off at 2^nd, really?  Some mean little girl called my daughter an idiot during practice, really?  The little brat was 3 years older than mine.  Her mother response was a light, “sorry”, really?  That’s all you’ve got!

The coach form the other team, continues to have his team steal bases, when they are ahead by 15 runs, really?  A parent from the other bench comes over to take a picture of his kid, who proceeds to smash the ball.  He starts screaming “take three, take three,” right in front of our parents, his team was already trouncing us.  Really.

You can’t hear my sarcasm; you can’t hear the inflection and tone in my voice.  The exasperation I feel when I say this.  People never cease to amaze me.  When we are winning by a significant amount, I quit cheering.   It’s not worth it to cheer for my kid when he is beating a struggling team.  Bragging when you win by 20 runs is simply poor form.

Clearly, I am one of the few people who subscribe to this point of view.  At one game I found myself praying for the other team to just strike a few of our kids out.  Oh well, I can’t change it and I don’t care to.  It a lesson to be learned and I hope my son and daughter learn to say, really?  Because in most of these situations, that’s all I’ve got.

If he’s 12, I’m 29

            At one of my son’s baseball games this weekend I noticed something a bit off.  The kids were freaking huge.  I mean 5, 7 and 150 lbs. big.  A couple of the kids on the team were taller than I.  This is 12 years and under baseball.

I get that some kids are bigger than others.  We have a big kid on our team.  But come on, some of these kids look like they could drive.  I consider asking one of them if he could drop my kid off at home after the game.

I’m sure I’m wrong.  I can’t imagine that any coach would purposefully play an older kid down in a younger bracket.  I mean winning can’t be that important.  Grown adults would never cheat, right?

Well, I’m not buying it.  Those kids were huge and I’m pretty sure one of them had a five o’clock shadow.  If those kids really are 12 then they need to be checked for a glandular problem, or radiation in the drinking water.  I bet you my tummy tuck surgery cash these kids were older and the parents and coaches played them down to win. 

I mean trying to pass these kids off as 12 is like trying to pass my size 14 butt off for a 6.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see what’s going on here.  On the up side my 72 lb. kid pitched and struck one of the giants out.  The kid was at least 2 and a half times his size.  Good thing for the boys to learn early, size really doesn’t matter.

Swimming with Sharks

Sharks are fascinating, they never sleep, they never stop moving but no matter how comfortable you might get, do not be deceived. They will eat you.  This is my opinion of some of the parents I meet.  They smile a toothy grin, but when they get hungry, chomp.

I think they wait to smell the blood in the water.  Wait till you are hurting, having a rough time and then its like the shark in Nemo, they can’t control the urge to bite you in two.

I guess it’s the nature of people and I am sure the realm of sports is not the only place you will witness this phenomenon.  It just never gets any easier to watch people chew you up and spit you out. 

Well the best bet is education.  Find out which sharks are least likely to eat you and try to associate with those.  But again don’t be fooled, they all get hungry so try not to look like food.

Holy S#%&*

            I am starting to panic.  It is Saturday and I have nothing to do.  I keep thinking where is the baseball jersey.  Checking the clock to see when we have to get to competition.  I need 30 minutes to get her ready.  Then I realize, no sports.  It’s Easter Weekend, thank you Jesus.  All you naysayer atheists can shove it.  I love the holidays and now I love them even more, kids don’t plays sports on the holidays. 

In the future I need to make sure our coaches are Christian so we are assured these days off.  I got lucky this time, but you never know.  I need to make a mental note right now, because I am sure some type-A freak coach, somewhere, is having a game or practice or something.

And the bonus is tomorrow.  I have two whole days off from sports.  Big sigh.  I am going to church, I am going out for lunch and I will not be praying for my kids to hit the ball, land tumbling, stunting and just not get hurt.  I will be praying that I can handle all the issues that lie in wait for me during the next baseball and cheer season.  I mean on this day I realize if Jesus hung on the cross for me to be saved, I seriously need to stop worrying so much.